Build Genuine Connection Through Trust and Empathy

If you are trying to gain more champions for your cause — influence policy, expand your donor base, and create affinity with new groups — start by trying to connect rather than convince.

As communicators, we work hard to be issue experts, to have the answers, and to know what needs to be done. We also know the value of listening and collaboration. Which means our expertise is made even more powerful when paired with humility. After all, if we think we already know best, how can we make room for new people, more voices, and even better ideas and solutions?

That’s where connection comes in. Authentic connection — and genuine engagement — requires trust. And the building blocks of trust are curiosity and empathy. Here are four ways to foster that in your own interactions.

Practice Beginner’s Mind

The Buddhist concept of beginner’s mind means letting go of preconceived ideas even in areas we know well. We approach our work, people, and challenges in the way a beginner would — alive to possibility with no sense of inevitable outcomes or “the way it always is.” Because the beginner’s mind doesn’t already know better, it listens and sees in fresh ways. The beginner’s mind is excited about what might happen, alert to new input and insight, open to ingenuity and even wonder. Bringing this attitude to conversations with those we want to reach allows us to set aside our judgments and pave the way for genuine connection.

Get Curious About Who “They” Are

Even when you disagree you can connect if you’re curious. There’s a reason for adages such as walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Start by understanding who you’re trying to reach. Then try going a step further. To get to know others with real empathy (especially when they have opposing views), role play making their arguments and telling their stories in a best-foot-forward way. Not to give up your position or to compromise but to gain new perspective and understanding so you can meet people where people are. Maybe even as a way to see your own biases.

“When people around you do something that makes no sense or is self-defeating, it might not be because they’re stupid or irrational. . . If we hope to understand behavior, and ultimately to change it, we need to see the stories behind it,” says marketing guru Seth Godin.

Ask How Versus Why

When trying to persuade those who are either skeptical or outright naysayers of the policies we advocate, doubling down on our arguments can drive them even further away. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant says, “. . . our first impulse is to preach about why we’re right and prosecute them for being wrong. Yet experiments show that preaching and prosecuting typically backfire — and what doesn’t sway people may strengthen their beliefs.” What does help loosen entrenched views is to ask “how” versus “why.” Grant says that when people try to explain how their policy preferences might work, they see an issue’s complexity as well as “the gaps in their own knowledge.” For purpose-driven communicators these gaps may be exactly what you and those you want to reach need to begin collaborating on solutions. After all, “right” and “true” are not synonymous. Each person has a truth than can be understood, and from understanding can come new ideas and shared solutions.

Be Positive

At Cause, a core belief is that the work of communications is an inherent good because good communications foster understanding and advance healing. As part of that, we’re committed to framing issues positively — lifting up value and opportunity — rather than tearing others down. And kindness always goes a long way. Pearce Godwin of the Listen First Project, aimed at bridging divides and cultivating connection, recommends starting possibly contentious conversations with some appreciation such as, “You know, we don’t agree on a lot, but one thing I really respect about you is . . . .” With enough warmth and humility, even humor, you can start to build trust for genuine connection.

Good communications — advocacy, branding, fundraising — are transformative. But before you can transform you have to connect.